Places We Have Come to Fear
by tinatoes1816
Summary: A short, loosely connected work of snippets about the possibilities of a new relationship between Abby and Luka. (Complete and wildly AU)rnThanks for all reviews!
1. Do Over

Author's Note: It came to my attention that these short scenes might be a little confusing as to the timeline/progression. In scene 1, this is long after Abby and Luka's breakup and they are beginning to venture again towards the territory of friendship. In the second piece, this takes place sometime after Luka and Sam have gotten together but have begun having problems,and Abby is confused about how she should behave because her friendship with Luka is still quite fragile. The third piece involves an argument between Luka and Kerry which Abby had a significant hand in. Luka is dealing with some personal problems as a result of Sam's "disappearance" with her son. The last scene is in retrospect of the whole situation and our favorite pair :) have now been together for an unspecified amount of time.

ER Snippet 1: Do Over

Abby sighed, lost in her thoughts of Maggie, Eric, Carter, and Luka all tangled together, always one big jumbled mess in her head. For weeks now she had been in this funk, trying endlessly to work out her feelings with regards to all of them. Surprisingly, working out a solution over Maggie had come out easier than she'd expected it to, but she still felt uneasy.

She shook her head and was suddenly angry at herself. Why couldn't she expect things to work out okay? Why did she always turn it into what Carter used to jokingly call, her passion for 'gloom and doom'? Was this why Luka had turned away from her? Because she couldn't even make herself happy?

"Umm Abby?" Randi stared at her curiously. "Weaver's been paging you for the last five minutes and if I were you, I'd make up something fast before she comes back again and starts chewing your ass."

Abby managed a lukewarm smile. "Thanks". Randi nodded, before going back to painting her long death claw fingernails a violent shade of purple. She was insanely bored—it had been an unusally quiet morning, and she kind of was looking forward to an Abby asschewing, truth be known. That girl was from another planet, she was sure of it. Abby Lockhart could be counted on for a little entertainment around here, and hey, wasn't that Luka coming towards them?

Oooh, this was looking even better. Gossip had it they were still tense with one another even though the breakup happened months ago. There was also a random pool going on which pitted Luka vs. Carter and whom Abby would end up with a second time around. Randi of course, was all for Carter… She would love a chance to date the mysterious and deliciously handsome Dr. Kovac, but of course it wasn't going to happen. She glanced over at Abby, watching Abby's face change from pensiveness to one of apprehension. What was that all about, she wondered.

"Randi, can you please get me the files on Johnson? The test results should have been in by now" Luka looked pointedly at her as she idly continued to paint her nails.

"Sure, but don't you think it was a little rude of you to not say hi to Abby first?"

She grinned wickedly. Abby was already stepping away from the counter, seeing how Luka was completely oblivious to her presence, not wanting to go through another awkward moment. Luka looked at Randi and glared. He could have killed Randi at that exact moment. Before he could say anything, Abby quickly interupted.

"Excuse me Luka," Abby replied a little sheepishly. "I really have to go or Weaver might really fire me."

"Abby, if she did that we'd all be up in arms" Luka said sincerely, looking right at her.

Abby looked at him pleased, and lightly chuckled before walking away. He found himself watching her leave and debated asking her out later that day. He wanted to make inroads with Abby, and he knew it was now or never. There were so many things he wanted to talk to her about, and he realized he missed her. He missed her a lot actually. Just having a moment where things seemed good between them, even if the whole exchange only consisted of a few seconds had made him a little happier. Randi watched him, eyes narrowed since it appeared he was still interested in Abby. Oh well. At least she could add to the gossip column and discuss it with Chuny over their coffee break.

"Hey Romeo" she called out loudly. "Here's the files you were so patiently asking for". Luka turned towards her and said graciously, "Thank you Randi." He walked quickly away, hurriedly flipping through the paperwork.


	2. Regrets and Regressions

Snippet 2: Regrets and Regressions

Abby felt horrible for Luka. She knew how much he had cared for Sam, maybe even loved her -oh god, had he loved her? She felt herself growing more miserable each second. It was too hard, too hard to think about Luka and Sam, yet she knew he desperately needed a friend. And if she couldn't even do that, do that one small favor for Luka, what kind of a person was she? So what if her pride got trampled on? So what if her heart ached in pain yet again at the thought? Luka needed her right now, and she was going to be there, no matter how much it hurt. She muttered a quick prayer, and dived in as soon as she saw him. Thankfully, they were both alone in the locker room.

"Luka," she put her hand out, lightly brushing his shoulder. He was sitting on the bench, his face was pained, his eyes dark and weary. As he glanced up at her, she grew a little nervous, wanting to say all the right things, and yet not knowing what to say. She took a deep breath before plunging into her speech. "Luka, I know I'm probably not the first person you'd want to see or talk to right now, but I'm still your friend if you want me to be, and this must be very painful for you. If you don't want to talk about it, or if you just want me to shut up, you can go ahead and say so right now, but I'm here for you no matter what and that sounds trite and corny, but...okay, you can tell me to shut up now." She ended with her touch of characteristic self-deprecation, and a wry, crooked smile to hide her embarassment at having said too much.

She didn't dare look at him and began fiddling with her mittens. Luka was deeply touched by Abby's words. He realized it would have been difficult for anyone to have approached him right now, especially Abby given their recent history, and he sincerely appreciated her efforts. He quickly took her hands into his, and forced her to look at him. "Abby," he said softly, smiling gently at her. "I don't want to talk about Sam, but I do want to talk to you. Do you think you could use another cup of coffee?"

She felt a little relieved at not having to be his confidante over a new relationship and replied teasingly, "I was waiting for you to ask that!"


	3. Girl on a Tightrope

ER Snippet 3: Girl on a Tightrope

"Kerry, I am fine! I do not have an anger management problem, I do not need to see a psychiatrist, and I would appreciate it if you would just get off my back and let me work." Luka stormed off, leaving Weaver to mull in surprise over his uncharacteristic outburst. She had not been overly concerned with the news of Luka and Sam's breakup, nor the gossip surrounding the pair until Abby had approached her a week ago with concern over the man. She thought back to Luka's behavior over the past month or two, and realized that she had consciously ignored a lot of it mainly because the hospital staff were already engulfed in too many problems, and frankly she did not have the energy to deal with another one. Plus, Kovac was a well-respected physician and it would be a huge blow to the hospital if they lost him, especially since he could easily find another position elsewhere.

Abby bit at her thumbnail nervously. She had come back from lunch a little earlier than usual because of a sinking feeling in her stomach that something was going to go awfully wrong. She quickly ducked behind the corner as Luka walked in forceful strides away from Kerry. From the looks on both of their faces, she knew the exchange could not have been very pleasant. She remembered trying to talk to Luka earlier about his attitude at work a while back and it had not gone over well at all. In fact, he had been downright livid. The incident continued to burn in the back of her mind.

She could still recall all of his words to her: "I don't see what business it is of yours to question what I'm doing for my patients! You are the resident and I'm the attending physician in the room, or are you confused about what position you play in this hospital?" His tone of voice dripped with sarcasm and she clenched her hands tightly into balled fists, continually reminding herself that it wouldn't make things any better if she strangled him.

Abby tried to speak as calmly as possible despite his thinly veiled insults. "Just because I'm a resident doesn't give you permission to ignore me. When your decision affects the care of the patient and you won't even allow me to voice my opinions, I think I have every right to talk to another doctor who actually values them! You won't listen to me, you won't listen to anybody Luka! You are being a complete ass towards everyone and I'm sorry if your pride's hurt, I'm sorry that you got dumped by Sam, but you can't stand here and preach to me about how I let emotions rule over my judgement when you're doing the same exact thing!" She could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on and what patience she had left for Luka was rapidly vanishing.

Luka's face darkened, and he exclaimed harshly, "Leave my personal life out of this! It has nothing to do with my relationship, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. His voice increased in volume until he was practically shouting at her. "Maybe you'd like me to repeat that once more just so we're clear. Stop interfering with my life!"

He pushed past her furiously and stalked outside leaving her stunned, not knowing how things had gotten so totally out of hand. Fortunately, it had been a slow night and there weren't too many onlookers left to witness their all too public display of volatile emotions. Wearily, she slumped her shoulders in resignation and turned towards the front desk to clock out for the night. Abby was at a loss. She honestly didn't know what to do anymore. If it had just been about the way he was treating her, she would have for the most part been able to suck it up and ignore him, but she could see that he was heading straight into disaster. Sure, it was only Carter and Pratt who were speaking out initially and Weaver would most likely disregard both of their complaints, chalking it up to previous grudges against Luka, or some idiotic manly ritual of posturing, but even Susan and Chen seemed wary of him these days although they both remained silent on the issue.

She tried to think of who she could ask for advice. It wasn't exactly an easy task. She needed someone in a position of authority over Luka, but who also had in mind his best interests and was someone who had absolutely no intention of jeopardizing his future at the hospital by tattling to the board. Abby briefly attempted to ask Susan's opinion while leaving out any conflicts that had occurred between herself and Luka, but even to her own ears it sounded a bit hollow and unconvincing. She knew deep down that he needed help—possibly even counseling , and that whatever he was going through was obviously affecting his job, but either everyone else was ignoring Luka's problems too, or they simply couldn't be bothered to take up the matter with Kerry.

Well, she couldn't really blame them. It wasn't as though she was trying that hard to involve Kerry either. She was really just waiting around hoping that things were going to change for the better. So, Abby tried once more to forget the tension between her and Luka until the next inevitable blowup occurred. He had apologized to her of course, but the situation was a lot worse than before. Now most of the nurses were openly frustrated about Luka's cold behavior towards them, and they were also threatening to circulate another petition, only this time they wanted to bypass Weaver and go straight to management, who might actually find a reason to dismiss him. They viewed him as somewhat of a maverick much like Dr. Ross was during his years at County.

Shaking herself out of the memory of Luka's extreme anger, Abby paused and looked up, forgetting too quickly who she had been avoiding all this while. "Shit", she hissed under her breath. He'd be sure to see her from this angle. If he turned his head even the slightest of angles, he'd be staring directly at her. Her heart began beating a little more quickly, and she forced herself to calm down. After all, he might not know that she was the one who had told Weaver, right? No. Abby shook her head resolutely. She was not going to be a coward. She was going to face him and tell him why she had gone to Weaver. He deserved to know her reasons, and if it cost her his friendship then she would deal with the consequences. But, she trusted she'd done the right thing, and she fervently believed in her heart that as mad as Luka was going to be, he was not an irrational or unforgiving person by nature (thank god), and when he calmed down enough to listen to her, he might even be able to see things from her point of view. Okay, well maybe that part was stretching the truth a teeny bit..


	4. Starting Anew

ER Snippet 4: Starting Anew

She turned over sleepily, grimacing slightly at the sudden bright light. A gentle hand soothingly caressed her back. She opened her eyes slowly, a smile warming up on her face at the sight of a very handsome, dark haired man who for reasons unknown to her, adored and loved her. "Mmmm", she murmured. "Is it time to get up already?"

Luka grinned at her appearance, her hair wildly mussed and taking on a life of its own. "I'm afraid so."

She shook her head in disbelief at how anyone could be so perky at 8 am on a Saturday morning and then dove back under the covers.

"Now that wasn't very nice," he chided."Alright, you've just caused me to wheel out the big cannons," said Luka in a joking tone of voice.

Abby ducked her head out from the blankets, giggling as she stared up at him. "You know, you're the only one I know who tries to improve upon simple little American phrases.It's 'take out the big guns' you crazy Croatian!"

"Crazy, huh?" Luka asked, raising one eyebrow. He reached for her feet and began tickling her. "No, no you don't!" gasped Abby. "That was so unfair!"

"Up, up you go," he sing-songed, as he grabbed her arms and began tugging her out of bed with little success. "You promised me a real American experience out into the woods, singing dumb songs, eating s'mores"—he stumbled slightly over the word, "and making a real fire with sticks, remember?"

She groaned half-heartedly. "I wish I had never brought up my one and only horrible camping trip. Did you happen to miss the part where I said I was half frozen, I had to pee in the bushes, and there were these huge, scary ass bugs that looked like they were out of a bad horror movie?"

He laughed loudly. "Now c'mon. We have reservations at Starved Rocks State Park and if you don't hurry up and shower, I'll be very disappointed at having missed out on this whole camping thing." He pulled a puppy dog face, his large brown eyes staring soulfully at hers', and she sighed knowing she was just about to cave.

"You only do that because you know it gets to me, right?" she asked. Luka smirked, but wisely chose not to answer. "Okay, okay," she acquiesced grudgingly. "Only, it's not my fault if those mutant-sized bugs carry you off into the night. In fact, I might just let them if you don't treat me nicely," she added. He leaned in and kissed her. "Then again, maybe I'll come with you to make sure you're safe from all of those scary monsters," said Abby. He kissed her again for good measure.

Abby climbed slowly out of bed and headed into the bathroom. As she stepped into the shower, she turned the faucet on and let the water come out in full force. She stood under the water, reflecting back on how wonderful things were between her and Luka. Only a month ago, she would have sworn she had lost her chance, after that last awful argument when she had told him she was the one who approached Kerry and asked her to talk to him. As she had predicted, he had been incredibly angry at first. She knew though he wasn't simply mad at her, it was more like he was disappointed in himself. After avoiding her for some time and trying to work out his issues on his own, Luka realized it must have taken a lot for her to have gone and asked for help, (especially since it was Kerry). He knew that she was only looking out for him and in the end, what brought him back to Abby was herself. During much contemplation, he was gradually becoming conscious of how much she really cared. He thought he had put away those hopes long ago, but as he learned of this new revelation, he felt himself coming back to life again.

His problems were never truly about Sam. Yes, he had cared for her, but not in the same sense in which he had loved Abby. He never gave Sam his whole self, perhaps unconsciously, but then they both had had similar expectations of each other. She had sought solace in his protective, kind manner so utterly alien to her because of her past experiences, and she knew he would always stand by her. What he had wanted in Sam was more of an ideal he conjured up of her. She had needed him, and it had felt so good to be needed. He put himself in the shoes of her protector because it was a role he had been comfortable with. When she left, he was disappointed and angry, thinking he had once again failed in his quest to save someone. He grew bitter in the knowledge that all of his past relationships had ended this way, and he didn't know why they had so willingly turned his help away.

Still, ashe contemplated over the similarities of each failed relationship, he kept replaying what Abby had once said to him: "It's not that I _don't_ want your help. It's that you use this to keep me from letting me be a real part of your life. Your help is good-intentioned, I know it is." She went on passionately, and her voice filled with emotion. "And I know you think that the only reason you're doing this is because you love me. But really, it's a shield you use to hide behind so you don't have to let anybody in, including me. Can't you admit for once that you have weaknesses too, and place enough trust in me to know that I won't walk away because you think that I won't like or be able to handle what I see? You don't have to be perfect all the time. You don't have to pretend like everything is fine when it isn't."

She reached for his hand. "Luka, I know you. I love the person you are, flaws and all. I love the person I am with, the one who has real emotions, the one who gets angry sometimes and regrets what he says, the one who can come to me and cry about his lost family. And I love the person who makes me laugh, the one who sings silly drinking songs in a foreign language when he's drunk." She paused. "I love you, not some version of you that you feel you should be or have to be for other people, just you."

At the time, he hadn't been able to admit to her that she was right, and instead had lashed out in the worst way. Her words came back to haunt him after their fight over Kerry and Sam. It had taken a long time afterwards for him to open up his heart to someone,but he knew he wanted to try it again with Abby. He had finally confessed his true feelings for her. Abby thought fondly back of the day when she had learned he still loved her.

There was a sharp rap on the door, bringing Abby out of her brief reverie. "Your fifteen minutes are up, slowpoke!" Luka called out.

"Alright, alright, I'm done," she said, hurriedly throwing on some clothes as she opened the bathroom door. Her hair was still wet so she quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her hair. He stood in the doorway, and she impulsively threw her arms around him tightly. He looked a little surprised, but happy. "What was that for?" he teased. "Only a minute ago you were threatening to revolt against our trip."

She tipped her face up at him, and cupped his face with her hands. "I love you," Abby responded sincerely. He hugged her in return and she nestled her face in his shoulder briefly before saying reluctantly, "We better get going or you're going to annoy me about this until God knows when."

He chuckled. "Yep, I'd even come back to haunt you about it." She snorted. "It figures."


End file.
